Let’s Talk Vaginal Dryness: Sex Doesn’t Have to Hurt
By Monica Hernandez, Certified Sex Educator
Let’s be real: menopause changes your body. One of the biggest shifts? Vaginal dryness.
As a sex educator who’s going through menopause myself, I want to have a no-BS conversation with you—because too many of us are silently struggling with dryness, discomfort, and shame. It’s time to normalize this and reclaim our pleasure.
Why Vaginal Dryness Happens
During menopause, estrogen levels drop. Estrogen is what keeps your vaginal tissues healthy, elastic, and naturally lubricated. When that hormone takes a dip, you may notice:
Pain during sex
Itching, burning, or irritation
A decrease in natural lubrication
A general feeling of disconnect from your body
You’re not broken. You’re human. This is a biological shift, not a personal failure.
The Impact on Intimacy
Dryness doesn’t just affect your body—it impacts your relationship, too. When sex starts to hurt, many of us avoid it. That can lead to distance, frustration, or confusion between partners.
Here’s what I tell my clients: Talk about it. Sex shouldn’t be a guessing game.
Say something like:
“I’ve been going through changes since menopause, and I’m experiencing some dryness that makes sex uncomfortable. I still want connection and pleasure—I just need us to try some new things together.”
Your partner might be relieved you brought it up.
What You Can Do (Starting Today)
1. Lube, Lube, Lube
Lube isn’t optional—it’s your best friend. Look for a high-quality water-based or silicone-based lubricant (we’ve got a curated selection). Keep it bedside. Make it part of foreplay. Use it every time.
2. Vaginal Moisturizers
These are long-term hydration products, not just for playtime. Use them a few times a week to keep tissues healthy and comfy.
3. Explore Vaginal Estrogen (Talk to Your Doctor)
Vaginal estrogen therapy is one of the most effective ways to treat dryness. It’s localized, low-dose, and worth asking about if dryness is severe.
4. Rethink Pleasure
Penetration doesn’t have to be the star of the show. Menopause is a great time to explore:
Vibrators designed for external stimulation
Hands-free toys for couples
Massagers that ease tension and increase blood flow
5. Pelvic Floor Therapy
If sex has become painful, a pelvic floor specialist can help with muscle strength and blood flow—both of which impact arousal and comfort.
Final Thoughts
Your sex life doesn’t have to end with menopause. It just needs a few updates.
Vaginal dryness is common—but that doesn’t mean you have to just live with it. With the right tools, the right mindset, and the right toys (yes, we have those), you can keep intimacy fun, fulfilling, and pain-free.
Because pleasure doesn’t expire.
With Love,
Monica
Need help finding the right lube, toy, or body-safe product?
Check out our Menopause Essentials Collection or reach out—we’re happy to help.